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| A Season of Grief (Southern Tier Editions) (Southern Tier Editions) | 
 enlarge | Author: Bill Valentine
Publisher: Routledge
Category: Book
List Price: $14.95
Buy New: $9.49
You Save: $5.46 (37%)
New (12) Used (9) from $4.00
Avg. Customer Rating:  5 reviews
Sales Rank: 1103255
Media: Paperback
Edition: 1
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 207
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.7
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 6 x 0.7
ISBN: 156023573X
Dewey Decimal Number: 973.931092
EAN: 9781560235736
ASIN: 156023573X
Publication Date: February 6, 2006
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: Brand new book, never been read or used. No remainder marks. Timely shipping and reliable service.
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| Editorial Reviews:
Book Description
A Season of Grief chronicles the author's emotional descent after the violent death of his partner of 21 years. Bill Valentine's journal of fear, anger, denial, and loneliness captures the glimmers of hope, moments of serendipity, and mysterious coincidences that emerged from his full-time devotion to grief following the death of Joe Lopes, a flight attendant who perished in November 2001 along with 264 others when American Airlines Flight 587 crashed shortly after takeoff in route to the Dominican Republic. This unique book details the everyday struggles of a surviving partner trying to carry on in a radically changed world. He is a word always on my lips as I try to work him into a conversation. He is a memory that I strive to keep alive. So yes, in this sense, he is not gone. But in reality, he is. He is gone as my lover. He is gone as my life partner. He is gone as my soul mate, the only person to whom I periodically bared my soul. He is gone as my best friend, the only person to whom I ever attached that label. He is gone as my first reader and muse. Friends will fill in for many of these roles. But Joe filled them all. So pardon me while I still hang on to the notion that he is not here with me. Pardon me while I cling stubbornly to the insistence that he is gone. Valentine's candid and thoughtful account of his heartbreaking efforts to make sense of his partner's death—and survive in a world without him—is by turns, funny, frightening, sobering, and surprising. In the nine months following the tragedy of Flight 587, Valentine finds every waking moment of his life affected by his partner's absence—from mundane household chores to major life decisions. A Season of Grief is a story told in darkness and light, of hurt and healing, love and loneliness, but mostly, of a man who learns to live with his partner's absence through the persistent, surprising evidence of his presence. Our job on earth is to live with uncertainty, ambiguity, and hope. We are given a limited tool set but one, in my opinion, that's sufficient for the job. Sufficient to allow us to be engaged in life-to love, grieve, work, play, celebrate, and despair. We have a remarkable ability to rebound and grow. We have been granted the capacity for wonder and laughter-especially at ourselves. These last two gifts were bestowed generously on Joe and he, in turn, taught me how vital they are. Grief doesn't come with a set of instructions. But A Season of Grief can help guide you through the lonely journey that follows the death of a loved one. Valentine's memoir is a testament to the healing power of reality and the enduring nature of love.
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| Customer Reviews:
A Tender and Ultimately Life-Enhancing Journey about Grief March 1, 2007
39 out of 41 found this review helpful
Grief for the loss of a loved one is not a new topic for current literature. Such luminaries as Joan Didion, Mark Doty, Andrew Holleran, and Michael Cunningham have addressed the grieving process in novel form, poetry, memoir, and homage. And new author Bill Valentine steps into that realm with a brief but richly detailed examination of death, of memory, of residual, of extended family - all of these ingredients and more that underscore the fact that perhaps the loss of his beloved Joe Lopes, his life partner of 21 years in the tragic crash of American Airlines Flight 587 in November of 2001, has provided him with a new window and a new life as a writer of obvious talent.
Valentine presents his story of the 'other AA crash' that occurred in November of 2001 too soon after the 9/11 event to elicit the worldwide attention of that tragedy as a starting point to remember and recreate a relationship of such rare beauty that reading about it is staggeringly impactful. Valentine very wisely does not emphasize the mourning he endured (although his retelling of that aspect is understated and deeply touching), but instead takes the path of the 'ending' to reminisce about not only his meeting and formation of a relationship but also about the backgrounds of both him and his partner, an exceptionally quiet and private sanctuary that allows us the reader to better appreciate the aura of both men.
Some write about grief and mourning in a manner that seems to dig a hole of self pity, and that is most assuredly not the direction Valentine takes. He does not avoid for a second the impact of every detail of the loss of Joe - dealing with family, with the cremation, with friends, with pets, with things shared by the couple that suddenly become the responsibility of one partner, with the 'I' that replaces the 'we' - and yet what he offers us is a warm embrace of survival technique, a memoir as lovely as any that has been written. Valentine steps quietly into the arena of artist with the publication of A SEASON OF GRIEF. Grady Harp, February 07
as much a love story as a book about grief December 21, 2006
2 out of 2 found this review helpful
I believe it is safe to say that as Valentine dreamed of a writing career, he never once imagined that he would be writing an exploration of his grief journey following his life partner's death. This book is much more than a memoir of loss. It is a beautiful love song, a testament to the love shared by a couple who worked hard for their relationship.
As a bereaved grandmother, I found Valentine's descriptions of loss to be achingly accurate. Even though each person grieves differently, there is commonality to the emotions. The book opens with Valentine's eulogy, and moves easily back and forth between the time before Joe's death and after. The story of their relationship is an example of life fully lived and of love honored and respected. Valentine handles his grief by facing it head on. He says that the only way to transform the pain is to go through it. He shows us that writing and talking and thinking about the impact of Joe's death is a positive way to cope with the pain. Sharing not only grief but the story of their love is a marvelous memorial to Joe. Now that I've met Joe, I will never forget him.
Very grateful for this book July 22, 2006
This is an amazing and very powerful book that has helped me so immensely. After losing my partner to a stroke 14 months ago I felt completely alone and isolated in devastating grief. And like a miracle, Bill Valentine was courageous enough to tell his story so eloquently of losing his lover Joe Lopez after 21 years as a couple. They had a remarkable life together that was filled with love, joy and challenges. Their commitment to one another and how they dealt with those challenges is truly inspirational. Dealing with the biggest loss I've ever had has been softened by being able to relate to someone who's also been through it. He was writing my thoughts and feelings as well. And helping me to believe that, yes, life does go on and things do get better with time.
There is such a lack of books dealing with grief and loss for gay men whose partners have died and this was truly a life saver for me. I strongly recommend A Season of Grief to anyone in this situation and any professionals counseling gay men that are working through the same struggle. Thank you Bill Valentine!
Rodney Gardine,
Honolulu, Hawaii
A beautiful expression of the pain of grief July 20, 2006
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I just finished reading "A Season of Grief" by Bill Valentine. This story really touched me. The reality of "raw and unapologetic" grief was so poignant throughout this book. The beauty that was Joe and the relationship that they shared was described in a way that was both heartwarming and heartwrenching at the same time. The raw emotion that Bill felt at this tragic loss was so beautifully expressed page after page - with anger, tenderness, incredulity, compassion, and sheer outrage. The writer portrays a beautiful relationship cut short by a tragic airplane crash - and the aftermath that he has to deal with. Not just the huge emotional and physical void created by Joe's absence, but the challenge of the everday tasks that need to be done upon the death of his long term partner, Joe. Valentine writes of the frequent reminders of Joe that on any given day would cause feelings of such great pain, or feelings of overwhelming solace and comfort. The constant reminders of the beautiful relationship that Joe and Bill had were so very moving. Anyone who has suffered a loss will relate to this book on every level - gay or straight. And anyone who reads this book who has not suffered such a tragic loss will certainly start to appreciate all that they have even more. I highly recommend this book.
Grieving is hard March 14, 2006
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
Grieving is a part of life, but it can be grieving for an aged parent who has lived a long and fruitful life or it can be grieving for someone who died an untimely death early in life. The first kind of grief is healing, looking back with honour on a long life well lived. The second kind can be earthshattering, as it not only looks backwards, but tried to look forward into what would have been.
Bill Valentine's book speaks of the second kind of grieving: that for a life-partner who died an untimely, accidental, but brutal death. In speaking of Joe Lopes, he makes Joe come alive for those of us who never knew him. The best works of fiction or non fiction are those that can actually make a character live on the page. After reading the book, I feel as if I knew Joe, and (incidentally) Bill. This is living writing that jumps off the page.
Many of us will suffer such grief, and Bill takes us through his grief, not clinically, but as he lives it. The slow cleaning out of Joe's closet, the mundane details of settling debts, cancelling credit cards, and changing names on mortgages are things that we never think about until they have to be done. We cry with Bill as he goes over the what-if's that would have saved Joe from death in a plane crash in November 2001 over Jamaica Bay.
This isn't a how-to book. It's too immediate for that. But reading it will help those who are even now going through grief at untimely death, and will inspire those who haven't yet gone through such grief. I'm so glad I read it.
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