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| Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason | 
 enlarge | Author: Alfie Kohn
Publisher: Atria
Category: Book
List Price: $14.00
Buy New: $11.45
You Save: $2.55 (18%)
New (8) Used (8) from $11.39
Avg. Customer Rating:  62 reviews
Sales Rank: 362846
Format: Bargain Price
Media: Paperback
Edition: 1st Atria Books Trade Pbk. Ed
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 272
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 8.3 x 5.5 x 0.7
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.1
ASIN: B0013L4D2Q
Publication Date: March 28, 2006
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Condition: Brand new! Beautifu!! May have a small remainder mark (ink mark) along the edge. gift quality, crisp, clean, multiple copies available, prompt shipping, excellent service.
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Download Description
"Most parenting guides begin with the question ""How can we get kids to do what they're told?""--and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking ""What do kids need--and how can we meet those needs?"" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them. One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including ""time-outs""), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from ""doing to"" to ""working with"" parenting--including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents. "
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| Customer Reviews: Read 57 more reviews...
 Moronic and Irresponsible July 6, 2008
Is this why I have to put up with so many brats when I go out in public? Is this the same clueless fool who said you can't spoil a child? At least he admits one of his goals is to tear down the individualism this country is founded upon by replacing systems of rewards and punishment, and the goal of responsibility with navel gazing anarchy. Newsflash, author, we already have a society based on no parenting parenting, I shudder to envision a world of his making that is even more so.
 An eye opener! June 17, 2008
In stead of. 'No, don't do that!' I think, 'Why not?'
My daughter and my husband an I have a lot more fun together now!
I wish I could send this book to every parent.
Could change our lives June 3, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I found this book to be really thought provoking. It took me a while to read because it really brought up a lot of issues from my own childhood and helped me to examine them in light of how I raise my kids.
I think that following the advice of this book is more difficult than using to time outs and rewards. However, in the long run I believe in the idea of working with your children with the focus on teaching them rather then coercing them to do as they are told. For instance I have been afraid for a long time that by constantly insisting that my 3 year old do what I say - even though my intent is good - that her spark and tenacity would eventually be quieted. I honestly didn't know what to do about this though. At what cost would I have obedience in my home? Are manners always the most important thing? When we go to playgroup though everyone expects you to use time outs and discipline.... it is not an easy choice to make.
The whole issue about school and grades is very interesting too. When my child gets older do I want her to be focused solely on grades? That's how I was and I hated school after a while. My family labeled me the B+ student and implied that I didn't do my best all the time. I know a lot of people who got worse grades than I did who are successful...
I think this book contains a lot of food for thought and we will try our best to incorporate it into our lives. In the few weeks that we have been doing so, my 3 year old who is quite moody has been a little less so. I have also been surprised by her answers sometimes when I ask her why she is acting a certain way and try to talk it out with her. It can be frustrating and time consuming, but actually seems more effective than the time outs she would have had before.
In all, this book has the potential to change our lives and to make the long-term mother-daughter relationship a lot stronger and how I wish it would be instead of what my fears have been about what it could become.
A lot to take in but worth it.
Be prepared! April 6, 2008
This book is an eye opener. Be prepared to really look into your own parenting skills and be open to a new way. The ideas presented in this book cut to the core of everything I believed was good about my parenting, but I'm now re-learning a better way. It's a profound change.
Really outstanding book! March 18, 2008
Hello to all current and future parents to be!
I really enjoyed reading that book. It brought a new perspective to me of how children need to be raised. I have never been bribed as a child and I think what Alfie Kohn have written in this book is really valuable and true! I highly recommend this book!
Regards,
Rosica Yugova, mother of 11 month's old Stanley
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