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| Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason | 
 enlarge | Author: Alfie Kohn
Publisher: Atria
Category: Book
List Price: $24.00
Buy New: $9.43
You Save: $14.57 (61%)
New (6) Used (7) from $6.87
Avg. Customer Rating:  65 reviews
Sales Rank: 339327
Format: Bargain Price
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 272
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 9.4 x 6.4 x 1.2
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.1
ASIN: B000V5ZTV4
Publication Date: March 22, 2005
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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| Customer Reviews:
 Could change our lives June 3, 2008
4 out of 4 found this review helpful
I found this book to be really thought provoking. It took me a while to read because it really brought up a lot of issues from my own childhood and helped me to examine them in light of how I raise my kids.
I think that following the advice of this book is more difficult than using to time outs and rewards. However, in the long run I believe in the idea of working with your children with the focus on teaching them rather then coercing them to do as they are told. For instance I have been afraid for a long time that by constantly insisting that my 3 year old do what I say - even though my intent is good - that her spark and tenacity would eventually be quieted. I honestly didn't know what to do about this though. At what cost would I have obedience in my home? Are manners always the most important thing? When we go to playgroup though everyone expects you to use time outs and discipline.... it is not an easy choice to make.
The whole issue about school and grades is very interesting too. When my child gets older do I want her to be focused solely on grades? That's how I was and I hated school after a while. My family labeled me the B+ student and implied that I didn't do my best all the time. I know a lot of people who got worse grades than I did who are successful...
I think this book contains a lot of food for thought and we will try our best to incorporate it into our lives. In the few weeks that we have been doing so, my 3 year old who is quite moody has been a little less so. I have also been surprised by her answers sometimes when I ask her why she is acting a certain way and try to talk it out with her. It can be frustrating and time consuming, but actually seems more effective than the time outs she would have had before.
In all, this book has the potential to change our lives and to make the long-term mother-daughter relationship a lot stronger and how I wish it would be instead of what my fears have been about what it could become.
A lot to take in but worth it.
Be prepared! April 6, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
This book is an eye opener. Be prepared to really look into your own parenting skills and be open to a new way. The ideas presented in this book cut to the core of everything I believed was good about my parenting, but I'm now re-learning a better way. It's a profound change.
Really outstanding book! March 18, 2008
Hello to all current and future parents to be!
I really enjoyed reading that book. It brought a new perspective to me of how children need to be raised. I have never been bribed as a child and I think what Alfie Kohn have written in this book is really valuable and true! I highly recommend this book!
Regards,
Rosica Yugova, mother of 11 month's old Stanley
Really makes you think February 26, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I have read this book through several times. On the first pass much of it seemed pretty irrational. As my child ages and I am seeing more of what is done by many parents and schools I find myself revisiting this book often.
I was able look at the rampant use of punishment and rewards in a whole new light. I am happy I read it when I did.
A must read for all parents February 25, 2008
6 out of 6 found this review helpful
I was skeptical before reading this book. No time outs? No punishments, no rewards? There's a problem with praise? I was even skeptical for the first few chapters. But by the end, I was won over by the sheer amount of research backing up Kohl's parenting philosophy.
I told my husband when I finished it that I was going to try it. We were done with time outs, punishments and praise. My husband raised his eyebrows but went along. While I can't say that we've done this perfectly, the change this wrought in the behavior of our oldest (4 yrs old) was amazing. So much so that my husband said about two weeks later that whatever it was that I was doing differently, I should keep doing it. Her preschool teacher remarked that my daughter just seemed to "really change, really grow" all of a sudden. Truly, it was remarkable.
It should be noted that this is not a "how-to" book. There are not a lot of practical examples of how to parent as Kohl suggests. For this, I would suggest reading "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish (as well as their other books).
Even if you end up not agreeing with this book, I would suggest reading it since it will challenge you to think critically about what kind of children you want to raise and how they way you parent affects them.
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